Closer than we were before - Part 1 

I was getting ready for my friend’s 19th birthday party, on the beach. It was going to be a huge party, with a lot of hot surfers, alcohol, smoking… I could just tell it was going to be amazing. 
I’ve been living in Australia for almost 6 months now; I’ve learned to surf, I’ve met amazing people and life was absolutely amazing. Only there was something that wasn’t going well and I couldn’t tell what. Anyway, i didn’t have time for thinking, tonight I was going to get wasted! 

“Mum can I borrow your hot black dress for tonight… please!?” 

“Sure love, just go into my room and get it.” Get it from her room… ok, this was going to be mission impossible. She has so many clothes, even more than me, and trust me I have loads. 

I went to her dresser, and when I finally spotted it I reached for it only to find a letter that fell to the floor. Woo, mum’s secret letter, now I could use it against her…interesting! I picked up the letter and much to my surprise it had my name on it. After reading my name for what felt like hundreds of times, I had the feeling that i knew this handwriting. I didn’t know what to expect, so I opened it anyway.

“Emma, 
You left… You left me. 
You were important to me, really important. But you left, you left me alone, with my fears, with my life, with everything but you. You were my guide, the reason why I woke up every morning, you were the reason why I smiled, you were my first kiss and the perfect friend, my best friend.”

I realised who the letter was from, Harry. I smiled, remembering all those things we had done together, we had everything but a care in the world. 
When we were 12, we kissed, it was our first kiss for both of us, and it was amazing. But at this time we were young and naïve of our feelings. We also promised that no matter what we’d always support each other in our relationship. That’s why even if I hated all his girlfriends, I had to be happy for him. I’ve never liked any of his girlfriends, to me Harry was the perfect boyfriend and he always chose girls who only liked him for his beauty. I even fought with one of his ex girlfriends, I hate violence but she was so mean that I couldn’t help it. Harry doesn’t know that fact or he would have killed the girl for having raised a hand on me.

Happiness reached me when I thought of all those times with my best friend. Soon a sad feeling surrounded me and i realised I lost it, I lost everything we had just because of a stupid dream. Living in Australia, surfing, partying all night was my dream, but Harry was more important than a silly teenage dream. I wiped the tears that started to fall down my face, and carried on reading…

”You are the girl my parents like, the girl I could tell everything, the girl I was always proud of… I am proud of.
You had all my trust in your hands, you listened to me when something was wrong, I was always there for you. I was the one who fell asleep in your bed with you in my arms just to protect you, and make sure nothing bad happened to you. I miss the feeling I got when you were wearing my clothes, this proud feeling, knowing that you were my best friend. I loved when you used to hide your face in my chest while watching horror movies, I loved the way you could read me like a book. 
Now you’re gone… and I will never find anybody else I can get this close to, or someone I can cuddle all day when it’s raining outside, or the feeling that just one look could say everything.
Now that you’re gone, I have to carry on with my life, be strong. How can I? I miss you too much. 
After all, this cheesy letter is just to tell you that I’ve always loved you Em, more than you could think. And please, come back to me. 
-Harry xx”

At this point I was crying more than ever. I’ve always seen Harry as a friend, the best friend any girl could have wished for. This letter made me realise that I’m probably missing my best friend more than i thought, but I’m missing the guy I’m in love with even more. It’s time to face the fact that I love Harry more than a friend. The past 6 months I’ve missed him more than anything, and in more of a way than someone would miss their best friend. I love Harry, I can’t believe I said that, 6 months ago it would have seemed so surreal, but now it’s all I think about. I have to tell him, now! I got my phone out and started to dial Harry’s number. No, stupid idea. I’m going one better, I’m going to go back to England and tell him everything face to face. 

A thought crossed my mind, I realised I wouldn’t have read this letter if I hadn’t look in my mother’s cupboard. I ran downstairs to find my parents drinking tea in the kitchen. I couldn’t bare it, them being all happy drinking tea when they could have broken my relationship with Harry.

“What is this?” i shouted showing the letter. 

” A letter” replied my dad sarcastically.

” No kidding! Why haven’t I read it before? It has my name on it!” I said throwing the letter on the table. 

“Calm down sweetie, it was for your own good, you need to forget him” mum said, while getting up and reaching to touch my arm. 

I jumped backward “Don’t touch me, I hate you! Right now you’re the only one I wanna forget about! Harry is my bestfriend, he’s more than that, he’s my world, everything i do, I do it for him, I can’t seem to forget about him for even a second… Those past 6 months were the hardest of my whole life. I love him, ok? I love him more than a best friend, and i’m gonna go back to England. I need to see him.” I said almost shouting.

“No, Em! You’re not going to go back to England, you need to forget about your old life, it’s the past, Harry’s the past.” my mum replied. 

“No, I can’t forget about him, I don’t want to!” tears slowly started to fall down my face as my sobs wracked my frame.

I couldn’t talk to my parents anymore, I hate what they’ve done. I ran to my room, and fell on my bed, burying my head on the pillow.

Images of my life in Holmes Chaple rushed in my head. I started to remember all those lessons I would just sit next to Harry, and just wonder what I did to have such a perfect best friend. I have to admit, I even miss the cloudy days, but mostly because I would spend every cloudy week ends at Harry’s, just talking about life, just the simple fact that we both turned off our phones on those moments cause nobody cared but us, was actually so beautiful, our friendship was so strong.

Thinking about that now makes me realise that we maybe didn’t have a real best friendship and that maybe we were in love from the start. That’s why when we kissed it felt amazing, and it was just it was just in the moment. I wonder why I decided to throw it all away and leave for Australia..
I replayed the past 6 months in my head. First Harry and I used to Skype everyday, telling each other about the gossips, or just our life… I was so happy to finally live in Australia that I couldn’t see the sadness in Harry’s eyes whenever we said goodbye, and the way he told me he loved me had changed, it was more… passionate. After a few months, Harry stopped answering to my texts, he didn’t log on Skype or Facebook anymore. I thought he was too busy with his last year at school, but I really missed him.

Then after months without news from him, some of my old friends told me he had changed. He didn’t hang out with them anymore, so I thought he had moved on and forget about me. 

I tried to kid myself but I couldn’t seem to forget about him. When I read the letter I was even more confused as to why he stopped talking to me if he feels this way? 

I went on my laptop and bought a ticket for London. That was it, I was going back to England to tell him.